Yes I Have a Problem!!

Yes, I have a Problem!

This is for everyone including me who at some point passed a body shaming comments on someone. 

We always have a compartment of friends. Some you hardly ever meet and almost a stranger, few your old companions and some are your present friends with uncertain position in your future. 

But I have a problem when they point out body changes in a very shabby way. I don’t know whether it’s a human tendency or lack of manners or an inferiority complex in themselves that drags them to notice the very 1^st thing about someone is, someone’s weight loss or gain. I hardly see people who at first place notices the freshness and healthy attitude on the face. Instead many of them either point out a weight loss or make weird faces asking the reason of weight gain.  Even worst is just a ‘friendly laugh’(?) on already built body structure. 

It made me write about it because these days I often see such people around me. Or perhaps this issue is stuck in my mind so weirdly that I unconsciously catch such people easily. I am worried and concerned about these people who one day see someone fat and the next day make sexy comments on same person’s Instagram photos. I believe that photography is a lie. It can devastate your mental health if you see yourself more beautiful in photos than mirror. People keep tracking you (precisely your figure) on social media and then one day when you stand in front of them they open their shabby mouth to comment on your body type. 

Some generalize comments I’ve been observing is “hey your purse is bigger than your physic girl”, “I can’t see your beauty bone these days”, “Can you fit in my car?”, “you are so thin ya, why would you need a separate seat”, “Oh I guess the city is treating you so well to put on weight” ….It is unending and I can’t even write the extent of their sick attitude. 

As far as someone is earning on their own and eating as per his/her body demands, its none of our business to track down their body shape. I think very few tries to lose the weight thinking, “I want me to be healthy for my strong mental health or my own good”. On the contrary, most of the time weight loss is subjective to look good, to get married, to look young, to look as per “Beauty Standards” to attract your partner. 

Same in case of women who have comparatively thin body structure. One question they face is, “when are you going to gain a weight?”. Or statements like “Man, you are 30 and still you are so thin, Is everything alright?” “take my fats on you.” I feel terrible when I listen to this. I have seen my friends getting nervous because of such comments and I am ashamed of myself now that I didn’t react to it then. I keep rewinding the same situation and think what could have been my reaction. Many of my friends were wise enough to ignore such bullshit and continued the talk and eventually people kept on commenting the same.  This is a vicious circle, if want to get rid of it we need to stop them, repeat their words in front of them, acknowledge it and move on. 

What one feels when someone notices their body at first place! Can it be a start of a conversation? Or probably they are so dead in their brain that they don’t know on which note to trigger a conversation and break the ice between the two? 

I agree, many a times I could have reacted like this. But as you grow you realise what you are talking, what could be the more appropriate way to pull a leg (At least it is expected to be smarter as you age, not everyone becomes wise as age). Helping someone to live a healthy live, inspiring someone directly or indirectly is a different thing but body shaming is unacceptable. 

Everyone is suffering through something which we don’t even know. Every body type is different and has its own limitations, Period! Some people do exercise some don’t. We better not point out what one should change. We better not give our perspective about someone if not asked.  ‘Before putting on more better loose it to get married’ is a cheated attitude. And therefore, people with extra observation power and extra gossip abilities should keep in mind that “Have you lost your weight? ”is no longer a compliment and “Have you put on your weight?” is no longer JUST A QUESTION but a bizarre attitude of ours. 

-Harshada