When Sister Turns 18..!

Rasika,

 Happy Birthday-

To be precise – Happy Adulthood …

I remember the day when Aai and I were eating apples in the bedroom and mom said that apple would make baby’s skin glow. I looked at her and asked her, “where is the baby then? “ She smiled, kept my little hand on her baby belly and replied, “here, inside”. I looked at her with an anxiety in my eyes. At the age of 8 it was magical for me to feel a movement inside my mum’s tummy. I was excited with the fact that someone will enter our lives and probably just for me  and you did on 27^th Sep at 10.08 PM.

I distinctly remember that I touched you at 10.30PM and was blown away! And today here you are turning 18. I really can’t remember each day but I remember doctor saying, “You are now an elder sister of a beautiful girl”. And right after that moment you became my favourite sibling among all others.

As a kid, I used to think that we have too much of age-difference, almost of 8 years. I used to hate this but now I thank mom for that. And you know why? -it’s because I am one of those lucky siblings who remember my little tiny buddy vividly, those hands, your giggles, your tantrums everything. Rasi, I know you in-n-out even before you existed in this world. I am happy and feel privileged to see you grow since your heart started beating.

You are turning 18; stepping into this ADULT world where you will be an accountable citizen, make sure you will always choose a path of honesty and dignity. Earn honest money, keep pure and loyal relations, live your life on your own terms but make sure you don’t hurt the loved ones. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you make, but make sure you don’t repeat one! Whatever you do in your life, always handle things patiently and develop that zeal to finish it with a ‘do or die’ attitude.

Phewww.. so much of philosophy. Anyways I don’t want any promises from you on your birthday. I believe in you and in fact I will promise you today that no matter which path you choose, I will always stand-by you.

I believe in a theory that Elder sisters are supposed to be empathetic and egoless. And I promise you that even if tomorrow you turn your back on me, I will be the first person holding your hand to pull you back. Being the elder sister, I won’t expect you to be understanding and mature enough when it comes to our relationship. Nevertheless, think aloud when you are with me, you will always be a KID to me!

So, a very Happy Birthday my darling … I love you!!!

Yes I Have a Problem!!

Yes, I have a Problem!

This is for everyone including me who at some point passed a body shaming comments on someone. 

We always have a compartment of friends. Some you hardly ever meet and almost a stranger, few your old companions and some are your present friends with uncertain position in your future. 

But I have a problem when they point out body changes in a very shabby way. I don’t know whether it’s a human tendency or lack of manners or an inferiority complex in themselves that drags them to notice the very 1^st thing about someone is, someone’s weight loss or gain. I hardly see people who at first place notices the freshness and healthy attitude on the face. Instead many of them either point out a weight loss or make weird faces asking the reason of weight gain.  Even worst is just a ‘friendly laugh’(?) on already built body structure. 

It made me write about it because these days I often see such people around me. Or perhaps this issue is stuck in my mind so weirdly that I unconsciously catch such people easily. I am worried and concerned about these people who one day see someone fat and the next day make sexy comments on same person’s Instagram photos. I believe that photography is a lie. It can devastate your mental health if you see yourself more beautiful in photos than mirror. People keep tracking you (precisely your figure) on social media and then one day when you stand in front of them they open their shabby mouth to comment on your body type. 

Some generalize comments I’ve been observing is “hey your purse is bigger than your physic girl”, “I can’t see your beauty bone these days”, “Can you fit in my car?”, “you are so thin ya, why would you need a separate seat”, “Oh I guess the city is treating you so well to put on weight” ….It is unending and I can’t even write the extent of their sick attitude. 

As far as someone is earning on their own and eating as per his/her body demands, its none of our business to track down their body shape. I think very few tries to lose the weight thinking, “I want me to be healthy for my strong mental health or my own good”. On the contrary, most of the time weight loss is subjective to look good, to get married, to look young, to look as per “Beauty Standards” to attract your partner. 

Same in case of women who have comparatively thin body structure. One question they face is, “when are you going to gain a weight?”. Or statements like “Man, you are 30 and still you are so thin, Is everything alright?” “take my fats on you.” I feel terrible when I listen to this. I have seen my friends getting nervous because of such comments and I am ashamed of myself now that I didn’t react to it then. I keep rewinding the same situation and think what could have been my reaction. Many of my friends were wise enough to ignore such bullshit and continued the talk and eventually people kept on commenting the same.  This is a vicious circle, if want to get rid of it we need to stop them, repeat their words in front of them, acknowledge it and move on. 

What one feels when someone notices their body at first place! Can it be a start of a conversation? Or probably they are so dead in their brain that they don’t know on which note to trigger a conversation and break the ice between the two? 

I agree, many a times I could have reacted like this. But as you grow you realise what you are talking, what could be the more appropriate way to pull a leg (At least it is expected to be smarter as you age, not everyone becomes wise as age). Helping someone to live a healthy live, inspiring someone directly or indirectly is a different thing but body shaming is unacceptable. 

Everyone is suffering through something which we don’t even know. Every body type is different and has its own limitations, Period! Some people do exercise some don’t. We better not point out what one should change. We better not give our perspective about someone if not asked.  ‘Before putting on more better loose it to get married’ is a cheated attitude. And therefore, people with extra observation power and extra gossip abilities should keep in mind that “Have you lost your weight? ”is no longer a compliment and “Have you put on your weight?” is no longer JUST A QUESTION but a bizarre attitude of ours. 

-Harshada

माझ्या आयुष्यातला 'तो'

माझ्या आयुष्यातला 'तो'!

एकदा ‘ती’ म्हणली होती, “स्थैर्य आणि शांतता हवी असेल तर ‘तो’ पाहिजेच आयुष्यात.. एक भक्कम पुरूष हवा ‘ती’च्या साठी. एक समजुतदार तो असायलाच हवा होता पुढे जाताना.”  मला प्रश्न पडला होता तेव्हा, तो नव्हता म्हणून तीचं खरचंच इतकं विस्कटलं का आयुष्य?  तीची कोणती गरज पूर्ण झाली नसेल? मानसिक, की शारिरीक.? एकटं लढूनही तीला त्याचं महत्व का वाटत होतं.? एकटं लढूनही तीला त्याची गरज का वाटत होती? स्वत: मधल्या बाईपणाची जाणीव होण्यासाठी तो लागतोच का?

मग कळू लागलं, माझ्यातल्या स्त्री ची जाणीव करून द्यायला ‘तो’ असतोच की नेहमी आजूबाजूला. मला हवा असो वा नसो.. माझा आयुष्यातला ‘तो’ प्रत्येक टप्प्यांवर वेगवेगळा भेटतो. पहिला ‘तो’ भेटतो बाबा च्या रूपानं. अरे बाबा म्हणायची सवय नसलेल्या किंवा लावलीच गेली नसलेल्या मला ‘त्या’चा चेहरा म्हणूनच जास्त धीरगंभीर वाटतो. ‘तो’ म्हणतो, “अडकून राहून नकोस कशातच, पुढे जा, मी आहे.” ‘तो’ म्हणतो, “१८ पूर्ण झालीस आता, तूझे निर्णय तू घे, फक्त मतदानाचा हक्क मिळतोय म्हणून बिंडोकासारखी नाचू नकोस, आता आलेल्या जबाबदाऱ्या घे, कुणाबरोबर राहायचं, कुणाबरोबर सेक्स करायचं ते नीट रॅशनली ठरव.” “तूला आम्ही स्वातंत्र्य देतोय बघ किती”, अशी फडतूस वाक्य कधीही न वापरणारा ‘तो’. मला मुलीसारखा वाढवणारा, “आणि तू माझा मुलगाच आहेस” असं म्हणून माझी किंमत कमी न करणारा ‘तो’ म्हणूनच आश्वासक वाटतो.. 

पुढे ‘त्या’चा हात सोडून बाहेर पडल्यावर भेटलेल्या ‘त्या’नं भूरळ पाडली आणि तो छान वाटायला लागला. सगळे पुरूष आश्वासक असतातच या आतापर्यंत मेंदूला झालेल्या सवयीचा ‘त्या’नं चुरा केला ते बरं झालं.. ‘त्या’ च्या नवीन घातकी रूपानं मग अजून पक्क होत गेलं मनात, अरे हो,मी मुलगी आहे!

 

मग कालांतरानं नवा ‘तो’ निरागस रूपात भेटला. संयमी, शांत आणि पुन्हा धीरगंभीर. महत्वाच्या वेळेला, गरजेचे लोक भेटले की बऱ्याचश्या गोष्टी सोयीस्कर होतात, तसं झालं मग. माझ्यातल्या स्त्रीत्वाच्या पुढच्या पायरीवर ‘त्या’च्याच तर बरोबर आले.. 

शाळेतल्या मैत्रीणीशी एक टॉप सिक्रेट होतं लहानपणी, तीनं सांगितलं होतं ‘ती’च्या ओळखीचा ‘तो’ ‘इकडे-तिकडे’ हात लावतो.. तेव्हाच्या बालबुद्धीला आपल्या मैत्रिणीचं टॉप सिक्रेट आपल्यालाच माहिती असल्याचा गर्व होता. पण मग आमच्या दोघींपुरता आम्ही उपाय काढला होता. एक वही घेतली होती, त्यामध्ये ‘त्या’ ला अर्वाच्च्य शिव्या लिहल्या.. मोकळं वाटलं होतं तेव्हा तीला.. अगदी स्वतंत्र वगैरे.. आता त्या वयात काय शिव्या लिहल्या असतील आठवतही नाही. ती वही नंतर कोणत्या तरी माळ्यावर फेकून दिली आम्ही. आणि मी तिला उगा मोठ्या बहिणीच्या थाटात सांगितलं होतं,”ऐक तो दिसला ना की पळून जायचं जोरात.. लांब... नाहीतर सरळ आरडाओरडा कर.” पण तेव्हा आपण त्याच्यासारख्या नाहीओत, काहीतरी विशेष आहोत, वेगळ्या आहोत असं नक्की वाटायला लागलं होतं. आपल्याकडे असं काय आहे की ‘तो’ आपल्या मागे लागतोय? हे मात्र कळत नव्हतं.. काळाच्या ओघात कळू लागलं. 

तर असा ‘तो’ बऱ्याच वळणांवर उभा असतो. मी मुलगी असल्याची जाणीव करून देण्यासाठी.. कधी ‘तो’ आश्वासक असतो. कधी तो कोमेजून टाकणारा. पण आपण कोण आहोत हे कळायला लावणारा. मी मुलगी आहे म्हणून वेगळी आहे, विशेष आहे हे वाक्य दोन्ही अर्थी घेता येतं. माझ्या आयुष्यात असलेल्या आश्वासक, शांत, संयमी ‘तो’ नं मला दुसरा सकारात्मक अर्थ शिकवला. त्याबद्दल त्याची ऋणी. !!

म्हणून मला ‘ती’ चं हे वाक्य नेहमी पटतं. ‘तो’ पाहिजे आयुष्यात, स्वत ची जाणीव करून द्यायला. आजच्या महिला दिनानिमित्तानं एवढंच... बाकी चालूच राहणार..  नोरा एफ्रोनचं वाक्य जरा बदलून- माझ्या आयुष्यातल्या ‘त्या’ ला- ‘Above all, he made me the heroin of my own life…’